Safe Street
by Jazz
Summary: Willow's has a secret wish, one that leads her down another path in life
1. Her Fondest Wish

Her Fondest Wish By Jazz ****

Her Fondest Wish

By: Jazz

Willow stared at the night sky, watching the stars twinkle brightly as she sipped Kool-Aid from a large wineglass. Cherry Kool-Aid, the color of fresh blood… Just another of her little quirks. Like the quirk which had led her to sit on her balcony past midnight on a school night. Not that this was unusual; she sat here in this chair at least twice a week, and more when things were going badly. She sighed, emptied her glass, and headed indoors. 

She had survived another day. 

She turned off the lights and slipped into bed. She had school tomorrow. Not that she particularly cared about the school part; she easily got through her classes with high marks. Practically no thought required. No, the 'friends' part was the part she needed to keep her eye on. Otherwise her mask could slip. And she couldn't allow that mask to slip. If it did, they might learn her secret. A secret only Jessie had known, and he was dead. Her only confidante was dead, and had been for what felt like an eternity, even though it was only a few years. Xander never understood, and then when Buffy came… well, she would never understand. She was too much into the 'Chosen One' mentality for that.

Slowly, sleep crept over her, letting her go into her only sanctuary; her dreams. 

The next morning, she awoke, feeling rested in body. Her spirit, however, was heavy, as it always was. Yet another thing she was used to. She quickly got herself assembled for school, and left her house. The house she lived in, for all intents and purposes, alone. Her parents were around for perhaps three weeks during any given year. Maybe a month if she was 'lucky', or one week if she wasn't. Her parents had never cared for her. That was something she'd learned at the tender age of three, when they had left her with a babysitter for five months. And it had only gone downhill from there; by the age of thirteen, she was living completely alone, having been deemed by her parents 'able to take care of herself'.

She arrived at school, and lost herself in her courses. English, Science, Math and others. It didn't matter which course. She let the information roll over and into her. She passed her homework to Buffy and/or Xander as requested, as they rarely did their own work. Why bother? was probably their reason. They had a Willow to do it for them, after all. Time to head for the library to see if she was needed for any research. This was also the time when her mask needed to be at its best. As anyone with a title of Watcher should be, Giles was very observant, and he probably/certainly would be the one to discover her secret. And that just wasn't allowed. So, cheerful smile pasted on her face, she bounced into the library and asked if there was anything that she needed to do. Giles looked up from his book for a moment and gave Willow a small smile, as he told her to go and 'have some fun for a while. Get away from this musty library for a bit.' She nodded, and left for home, stopping first by her locker to take the books she'd need for her homework first.

She arrived in her empty house, and completed her routine. Homework, shower, and supper. By that time, night had fallen, so she called Buffy to see if the slayer needed any company on her patrol tonight. The answering machine picked up so she hung up. Buffy must have already left for the night. Needed tasks completed, she grabbed the printouts she'd made earlier, and a glass of Kool-Aid, and sat out on her balcony. Her bag of slaying supplies went out with her, with a variety of stakes and crosses, and a second glass of Kool-Aid was put on the small table beside her chair. This was one she never touched; it was made with holy water. Toss the contents on a vamp, and watch them burn. She'd only ever been attacked once here on her balcony, and she'd let the vamp escape. None were stupid enough to come after her anymore. She could take care of herself.

Which of course came to the question of why. Why all this? Why the masks, the folly of being out after dark when there was no need, the heaviness of her soul? The answer was both simple and complicated. She wanted to die. It was something that always pulsed at the back of her mind, the need for her to die. So, why was she still alive? Because things are never simple, and Willow Rosenberg was definitely not simple to comprehend. Willow wanted to die, yes. However, just as Buffy had her duty to slay vampires in her position as Slayer, Willow had the duty of being a Slayerette, of helping the Slayer to slay said vampires. And she couldn't do that if she was dead. So she lived. She lived when all she wanted to do was die, but her honor said that until the danger was past, she wasn't allowed to do as she wished. She wasn't allowed to die. 

But she did allow herself to take risks that could result in her dying. Dying in the line of duty was fine, as long as she gave it her best. And so far, none had bested her. The few times she hadn't been able to slay a vampire on her own, the Slayer or Angel had bailed her out. And her balcony… well, with all the protection spells around it, there wasn't much danger anymore. Only a very strong vampire, such as Angelus or Spike, could penetrate it, and even they would be weak after they did. So, all things considered, she was almost as safe on her balcony as she was inside.

She wondered if Angel knew her secret. Every once in a while, when he thought she wasn't looking, she caught the glances he sent her way. Glances that were somewhere between pity and understanding. As if he knew what she was feeling, as if he'd felt those same feelings himself. For different reasons, perhaps, but the feelings were pretty similar. As time went by, and she got to know him better, the looks changed. He tried to be there for her, as much as he could. After the time he'd come to her house to ask after Ford, he'd returned quite a few times. The first time, when her mother had been home for a day between business trips, they hadn't been able to talk, but they did now. But they never broached any issues that dealt with death. Instead, they talked of life, and she'd felt lighter for a while. That is, until Angel lost his soul, and thus causing her to lose the only friend she could truly talk to. Once again, she retreated into her shell. 

Willow absentmindedly sipped her Kool-Aid, her mind light-years away. She was completely unaware of the eyes on her from across the streets. Eyes that had been watching her for a long time now. Eyes that gleamed with gold every once in a while. She finished her drink, and packed her stuff away for another night. Time had slipped by her while her mind was wandering, and it was time for her daily cycle to end, so it could start again tomorrow.

****

Fin

Disclaimer: Willow and company belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, not me.


	2. Safe Street

Safe Street

Safe Street by Jazz 

**Disclaimer:** Willow & Co. don't belong to me, and unfortunately never will. They belong to Joss and his cronies. 

Graham walked down the street at a moderate pace, ever watchful for anything in the darkness which might decide to attack him. He turned a corner, and reached 'Safe Street', as he'd come to call it. No hostile had ever attacked here, and several had mentioned that none would dare attack anything on this street. No reason could be extracted; the hostiles obviously were more scared of whatever or whomever had declared this a no attack zone than they were of the Initiative. Which annoyed Prof. Walsh to no end. Graham allowed himself to relax, as his pace slowed somewhat. Here he could enjoy the night with less concern about the creatures that thrived in it. 

Her house was just up ahead. The Redhead's. He didn't know how many times he'd seen her sitting out on her balcony at night, sometimes as late as one or two o'clock in the morning. She was a beautiful creature, that he never passed a chance at gazing at should she be outside. The Redhead was one of the reasons Safe Street so intrigued him. Anyone normal who stayed outside after dark like she did would have gotten munched on long ago. But she hadn't been. He could now she her balcony, and the light of her candles. She was outside tonight. Her hair gleamed in the candlelight, as did the liquid in her glass. Graham stopped at her neighbours house and leaned against a tree, hiding in the shadows so he could watch her. She was reading from a binder, as was her want, slowly sipping her drink as she did so. He wished he could be closer so he could see her throat move as she swallowed, see her eyes moving back and forth as she read. Okay, he could admit it, he was rather obsessed. He didn't know who she was, he just knew that she was something special, someone he wished he could meet and talk to. How to do that, however, was a problem. He never saw her except when she was on her balcony. And he certainly couldn't approach her there. She'd probably think he was a lunatic. 

"Are you going to stand against that tree all night?" Graham was startled by the feminine voice. He looked towards the Redhead, who was looking right back at him. "You know, it's considered impolite to stare." Graham closed his mouth when it started to gape in astonishment. Well, so much for me being stealthy. He waited a moment more, then stepped out of the shadows into the light from the streetlights, so that he could be seen. A smile graced her face. "Want to come up?" she asked. Graham nodded mutely. To this the Redhead simply raised an eyebrow. Graham assumed that this was an invitation, so he climbed the obviously well-used ladder of her trellis, and landed in front of her. Up close, she was a true beauty, although it was also obvious that she wasn't very old. He doubted she was eighteen yet. 

"Have a seat," she nodded to the other chair on the balcony, which had some dust on it. "Sorry that's it's dirty, I don't tend to have company." A smile remained on her lips the entire time, as if she found his situation very amusing. He noticed the second glass, and frowned. 

"Then why…?" 

"The second glass?" she finished the question for him. She shrugged. "One of my quirks. Feel free to drink some." Graham could hear the challenge in her tone, however: she was daring him to drink some. He wondered why, as he raised the glass to his lips, and their eyes locked together when he took a large sip of the beverage. It was extremely sweet, whatever it was, but not harmful from anything he could tell. The girl's smile widened some more as he drained the glass. 

"My name's Willow." 

"Graham," he offered back. 

"So, Graham, that's quite a habit you have there." Graham blinked, and shook his head in confusion. Willow's smile, which was quite mischievous, never faltered. "Watching me. Do you really think this is the first time I've noticed you?" Graham did an impression of a fish for a few moments, before he regained his wits. By this time, Willow was chuckling softly. She made quite a vision, as the all-knowing seer, with powers over the average male. Her red hair and green eyes just added to the allusion, which made it difficult for Graham to speak. After all, what did one say to a creature such as the one before him, after they'd caught him staring at her? 

"I…" Graham tried to start, but his sentence fell apart as he stared at her some more. Willow appeared to take pity on him. 

"It doesn't really matter. I just figured that since you liked to stare at me so much, I should get equal time." 

Graham smiled back at her, at a loss for something to say. A few moments later, the wind picked up for a bit and the candles flickered out. Willow frowned at the candles, and the smile dropped from her face for the first time since he'd seen her up close. 

"Damn," he heard her mutter, while she turned away to presumably re-light the candles. He couldn't see how she was doing it, but soon all the candles except the one in between the two of them were re-lit. Another smile filled with feminine-mystique was cast his way, as Willow cupped her hands around the top of the candle between them. Graham's eyes widened when the wick suddenly burst into flame. He stared at Willow with incomprehension as she dropped her hands back to her side. The smile on her face never wavered. What is she? 

The silence continued for several minutes, as the two stared at each other. Graham just didn't know what to make of her. What she had just done, it shouldn't be something that could be done. And yet, she'd done it, with a smile on her face that suggested that she knew how much it was going to disturb him. 

"You aren't used to magick, are you?" she finally asked. Graham just shook his head. "You aren't much one for words, either, eh?" Graham again shook his head, which made Willow chuckled. "Another lack of words guy. My life seems filled with them." The last sentence was said very softly, almost too low for Graham to catch. 

"It's late, Graham. You should go. But feel free to come by again, some time. Be glad to have you." That smile was again on her face. The one filled with secrets. Secrets that he longed to know. Kind of like the secrets that were Safe Street. 

"I will." Willow nodded, and started to blow out the candles that surrounded her. He rose from his chair as Willow grabbed a bag from behind her that Graham hadn't noticed before. He wondered what its contents were, but remained silent. After she opened her balcony door, she grabbed the two glasses in one hand. "Goodnight." 

"Goodnight," Graham said quietly, watching until Willow had entered her bedroom, and she closed the drapes so he could no longer see her. He sighed, and climbed down the trellis. He should head back for home. It was late. But on the entire walk home, and later in his dreams, the Redhead dominated his every thought. And there was really only one thing he truly knew: he had to see her again. 

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	3. Meanderings and Renderings

Meanderings and Renderings

Meanderings and Renderings by Jazz 

**Disclaimer:** Willow & Co. don't belong to me, and unfortunately never will. They belong to Joss and his cronies. 

Willow closed the blinds with a quick motion of her hands, the man still on her balcony now out of sight. The smile dropped from her face, as she stowed her slaying supplies back into her closet. She didn't know why she bothered to hide them, her parents were never home. Nonetheless, she felt the need to hide them. Her mind returned to the man who was now climbing down her trellis. She could hear it creek in warning. She needed a new trellis. Again. They just didn't make them like they used to. 

Willow sighed as she flopped back down onto her bed. Graham. She noticed him watching her several weeks ago, and watched him carefully from beneath eyes that had appeared to be reading. She didn't know what had possessed her to call out to him tonight. She'd never planned on letting him know that she knew he watched her. But she'd been in a very good mood tonight, something rather rare. And she'd wanted to meet him. And so, she'd called out to him, which started the whole series of events. 

Lack of words guy. She smiled as she remembered the moniker she'd given him. It seemed to fit. She doubted he'd said more than ten words to her. She had dominated the conversation, which was very unlike her. But Graham brought out feelings in her that she'd never thought she'd feel again. Since Spike. Graham fascinated her. She hoped he took her up on her offer to return. For the first time in almost a year, she'd been able to smile without any forcing whatsoever. Only Angel had ever been able to make her smile after Spike left, but they were never the smiles she had graced upon Graham. Those were always tinged with sadness. These had been filled with knowledge, as if she truly was an all-knowing priestess. 

She let her eyes drift close as sleep beckoned. She didn't know what had possessed her to use her magick before him. Somewhere deep inside herself, she'd felt that she could trust him. So, she had bared one of her secrets, the one about her being a mage. Not just a witch, but a mage, who didn't require candles or potions or herbs to do magick, although those things never hurt. No, Willow could do magick just by using her mind. Angel was the only one who had known this prior to tonight. But she trusted Graham, for some strange reason. She didn't know why, but she trusted him. 

Willow's mind started to drift, various pictures of Graham flashed through her mind, as she slowly moved into sleep and the peace that came with it. 

***** 

Graham stared at the rendering that lay on the table before him. Willow's startling green eyes stared back up at him, full of feminine-mystique, just like they had last night when he'd truly met her on her balcony. Her hair swirled about her shoulders like a cape. She was beautiful. And it was finally complete. He didn't know how long he'd spent on it. Hours, for certain. Throwing away countless tries until he'd finally been able to capture Willow on paper. He took a picture of Willow's likeness, as was his want, before carefully pinning the paper to his wall. He'd captured her perfectly. His fire-haired witch. Graham blinked at the thought. His?, he wondered. When had he started to think of her as his? He was brought out of his thoughts as a knock sounded on the door. The knocker didn't bother to wait for a reply, he just opened the door, revealing Forrest, with Riley standing behind him. The look on Riley face clearly said 'Not my fault'. Graham sighed. 

"Graham, my man, I was wondering where you'd gotten to. Haven't seen you around lately." He looked at him disapprovingly, which Graham just ignored. 

"Was there something you wanted?" he asked. 

"Just wondered what was turning you into a recluse… And could this be the reason why?" Forrest's voice had become somewhat gleeful on the second sentence, as his eyes saw the portrait of Willow on Graham's wall. "Who is this beauty?" 

"You draw that, Graham?" Riley's voice was full of wonder. Graham nodded. "It's beautiful. She's beautiful." 

"You've been holding out on us. Give. Who is she?" Graham looked at Forrest, and cocked his head slightly, debating on what to say. Finally, he decided that less was definitely better than more. 

"Willow," he said succinctly. 

"Huh?" asked Forrest. 

"That's Willow," Graham repeated, while Riley suppressed a snicker. Forrest glared at Graham. 

"Very funny. When do we get to meet this woman who's attracted so much of your attention?" 

"You don't." Forrest blinked. 

"What do you mean I don't?" 

"I mean, you don't. I'd never subject Willow to someone as crude as you." Graham's face remained completely impassive, as Forrest just stared at him in shock. He finally just shook his head, and left Graham's room. 

"So, do I get to meet her?" Riley asked, a smile on his face. Graham turned to examine his friend. 

"One day," he finally said, as he turned back to contemplate Willow's likeness. Realizing he'd lost Graham, Riley patted him on the shoulder before leaving the room, closing the door behind him. 

"Will you be out tonight, Willow?" he asked the painting. "I hope so. I want to see you again." His eyes de-focused as he thought back to last night when she'd spoken to him on her balcony. When he'd awoken this morning, with him actually having a day completely to himself, with no Initiative business and with it being summer, no classes, he'd spend hours on her portrait. He wondered if he'd ever get a chance to show it to her. He hoped so. He didn't know how long he spent staring at the portrait, but when he looked at the clock, he realized that it was now past dark. He grabbed a backpack with his gear, and headed towards Safe Street and Willow's house. He hoped she would be outside tonight. He needed to see her again. 

***** 

Willow grabbed her slaying supplies as she headed out onto her balcony for a night of reading. The glasses of Kool-Aid were already out, as she settled into her chair. Her eyes automatically scanned the darkness around her house, especially near the tree that Graham liked to lurk beside, and to her surprise she saw him. He'd waited for her. The smile that Graham brought out in her once again graced her lips as she beckoned him to join her. Without any hesitation, he climbed up the trellis, which creaked and groaned somewhat, and landed on her balcony before her. 

"Graham," she said softly. 

"Willow," he returned in the same tone. They both smiled widely, as they settled into the chairs. Words were spoken in the hours that passed, but not a whole lot. They spent a lot of time in comfortable silence, simply looking into each other's eyes. It was sometime past midnight when Graham took his leave, and Willow returned inside. And neither of them noticed the pair hiding in the bushes across the street, watching the pair with confusion for the entire evening. 

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	4. Altercation

altercation

Altercation by Jazz 

****

Disclaimer: Willow & Co. don't belong to me, and unfortunately never will. They belong to Joss and his cronies.

Willow smiled at Graham as he walked her to her front door. The two had gone to the Bronze, and partied hearty for a few very nice hours. The walk home had been pleasant, except for a very stupid, now dead, vampire who had thought they would make a nice snack. Willow had quickly dusted her, then turned to see how Graham had dealt with the slayage. He'd blinked, then said "I didn't know when you said 'you dusted a vampire' that that was literal.'" This had been greeted with peals of laughter, to which Graham had simply smiled. A tender kiss goodbye on her doorstep, and Graham left, though reluctantly. The two were quickly moving towards being lovers, but weren't quite there yet. They'd been dating for about six weeks now, during which they had gotten closer and closer. She supposed she should introduce Graham to the rest of the 'Slayerettes', but she figured that could wait until they started university in two weeks. 

Willow entered her bedroom, and sighed when she looked at the mess. She still worried too much about what she wore on their 'official' dates, and as a result, her discarded outfit options were strewn all over the bed and floor. She put them away, as she debated what to do. Bed would be the obvious choice, except her body was still humming with adrenaline that came with being with Graham. Spending some time on her balcony would probably help, however. So, grabbing her bag and binder, but skipping the Kool-Aid as she simply didn't want to go downstairs, she went and plopped herself down in her outdoor chair. She opened the binder and began to read, but only a few minutes later the hairs on the back of her neck lifted. No, she thought to herself. He wouldn't dare come back. Not after what he pulled. However, she knew she was kidding herself. There was little Spike wouldn't dare do. 

"Hello, Pet. Can I come up?" Spike drawled from where he was leaning against a tree. THE tree. The tree Graham had often leaned against. Her anger rose. 

"Sure," she said in a sugar-sweet voice. Spike grinned, and was quickly up on the balcony. 

"Not nice revoking my invitation like that, Pet." Willow's eyes narrowed. 

"You dare tell me I'm not being nice after what you did?" Willow growled, as Spike took several steps backwards, with his hands in the air, an innocent expression on his face, although Willow could see his lips twitching, trying to form a grin. 

"Did, Pet?" 

"Don't even try to pull that with me," Willow snarled. Spike's lips twitched harder "And don't you dare tell me I'm beautiful when I'm angry, because I will hurt you if you do." 

"Wouldn't dream of it, Luv. So, what did I do to incur your wrath?" This time the grin couldn't be held back. 

"Do? DO!" Willow's anger was quite visible, as was her magick which responded to her extreme emotions by creating a bright aura around her. Spike's smile quickly vanished, as he realized that perhaps he'd misjudged the situation slightly. "You dare come here and ask me what you've done?" She stalked towards him as she spoke, looking like a predator who was cornering her prey. Her hand came to rest over his still heart, and Spike had to remind himself to pay attention to what she was saying and not just to her body, or he might just get himself immolated, like any other vampire would if she'd put her hand over their hearts. "You take off without a word to me, leave me to find out three days later from your mortal enemy who you just happened to have a truce with, and then come back over a year later and you don't expect me to be pissed!" Spike could feel the heat burning inside of him, and knew that if Willow didn't take it back into herself before her hand moved away from him, he'd become a big pile of dust. 

"Red, sweet, I had to leave. The whole Slayer wanting me out of the country thing, along with Angelus being very pissed with me should she lose…" His hands quickly clasped around the one against his chest, so she's wouldn't dust him in the heat of the moment, so to speak. 

"That's just an excuse," she hissed. "She would never have known you were back if you didn't want her to. " 

"I wanted to come back sooner, Luv, really. I just couldn't. I'm sorry, Pet. Forgive me?" Spike looked at her imploringly, to which she just sighed. 

"I'd let you get away with highway robbery," she muttered under her breath as she removed her hand from his chest after sucking out the heat she'd placed in his body. Spike grinned. 

"I do love it when you get angry with me," he said playfully as he leaned down to kiss her. Willow shoved him away. 

"Oh, no. I forgive you for leaving, but that doesn't mean you can just waltz back into my life and pretend you never left. Not a chance." Spike blinked. He did love her fire and sass, but not if that meant he couldn't be with her. "I have a human lover now. I don't need you anymore." Spike snarled. 

"That whelp that dropped you at the door earlier? He's nothing! And certainly not your lover. I'd be able to smell it." 

"We will be soon, and you being back isn't going to change that. I had to share you with Dru, and I damn well hated it. Well, flipside time, Spike. I'm not giving up Graham, and if you so much as touch him I will kill you. So get this straight now. Either accept that Graham is with me, or get the hell out of my life." With that shocking statement, she grabbed her stuff, and stomped into her house, leaving a stunned Spike behind. He blinked, and then turned and jumped off her balcony to land on the ground. His hands burrowed deep inside the pockets of his duster as he thought about Willow's ultimatum. And he knew that she meant it. She'd fallen for that bloke, and from her tone of voice, she was probably even in love with him. He sighed, despite the fact that as a vampire, he didn't technically breathe. 

What was he going to do now? He'd forgotten how long a year was to mortals. And now he was paying for that big time. He'd never thought Willow would find someone else. He'd taken it for granted that no one could ever fill his shoes. Well, this Graham bloke might not have been able to fill his shoes, but instead he'd carved himself his own niche in Willow's heart. And now, his only way of being with his fire goddess, was to let her also be with this human. 

"I'll be damned if I just let any human be with Red," he muttered. He then nodded to himself. First things first. He'd meet this Graham bloke, and see if he thought he was good enough for his Goddess. And if he was… Well, he'd just figure that out later. For now, he had a rival to meet. 


End file.
